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11 September 2006 @ 02:41 am
 
Hm... I have ideas for 18 different stories, some of which I am more dedicated to than others. Maybe I could get a job as an “idea” person, and have other people do all the work? Meh. I wouldn’t care for that though, cause then it wouldn’t be my own. I just need to figure out a way to get myself to write regularly on something. And I have the same problem with coming up with all these drawing concepts, but I have such a terrible time getting things to look the way I envision them.

See, I have all these interests and aspirations, and yet I can’t get myself to focus on one thing, or else I’m merely mediocre in a field which requires one to stand out as something special. And I wonder how I will ever build a career in one of these fields... In acting, do I just keep auditioning til I get a part and build a resume, hoping I’ll become successful? And you have to know people... Bleh. I thought about finding part time work as a model for fine art or advertisements. But... I don’t even know who to ask about that. And writing... I just can’t get myself to pour things out. It’s all concepts, ideas I think will be great... once I finally get them down on the page. And with drawing, I just don’t think I’m good enough at producing my own work. I can draw it if I see it, but otherwise I can’t get it right. I’ve thought about taking a sculpture class too, thinking maybe it would be easier in three-dimension. I don’t know. And then there is music, which I haven’t been actively pursuing, just writing lyrics and music as they come to me. I’d like to put things together and sing in an epic metal band someday... but that’s someday.

Yeah... I’m feeling old and young at the same time. I feel like I should be doing something, making my own money. And yet, it’s such a big world. And you have to have experience to get experience. So I’m left uncertain of where to turn. Keep going to school I guess... But I feel like I should be doing more. I should be out there in the world. I don’t know. I have such big dreams, but I worry how I will ever find the path to reach them...
 
 
Current Mood: pensivepensive