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13 July 2007 @ 03:18 am
 
I remember what else I was going to post about. I wrote this in my notebook a few days ago:

I’m spoiled. I’m so used to getting what I want whenever I ask for it. Money has never been an issue, except when we were saving cause my dad was jobless for awhile after retiring from the air force. I’m used to things being clean, not having to worry about doing the laundry or dishes cause my mom takes care of all that. College tuition? I have a fund for that. Not sure how deep it is; it just serves as this everflowing source of wealth whenever I need it. My mom writes a $110 check for my therapist every two weeks. Does our insurance reimburse us for that? I don’t even know. I don’t have a job; it hasn’t been necessary. Just getting a free ride basically at 22, almost 23.

And yet I still have my excuse of my own personal struggles. I can say that without all this I’d be lost in a deep depression, perhaps I’d have committed suicide by now. I fret over the responsibilities of the real world. And I look at this world and sigh, saddened by the way things are. I’d rather be off in my own fantasies. I feel like some emo kid whining about their life in white suburbia. I’m not even sure what an emo kid is like. They whine about that stuff, right? Burdened by their emotional torment and unattainable idealism.

Am I just one of the lucky ones? I say that I must use my gifts towards some good. That is my purpose in life, that’s why I was given these things. I’m supposed to help people. Who am I helping? People like me? What are we doing? How about real, practical people? People who have it hard? What is their purpose? Do they have a reason for leading those lives? What about lives that are leading nowhere? What about materialists concerned only with getting ahead? Whose life has more meaning, theirs or the dreamers? We’re revolutionaries in our minds, but what are we doing in the real world? What has more meaning, what affects our world more? With all that we have, how should we put it to use? What should we strive to be?