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Marianne
11 March 2007 @ 09:12 pm
I’m working on coming up with an idea for a one-act play. Most advice you will hear will tell you to write about something you’re passionate about. thespianlynn82 recently made a post about bullying, and I replied that bullying/malicious behavior is one of the issues I’d like to address through my writing. Mental illness is another issue. I would like to help these people who have suffered through depression or harassment or both. To let them realize that there is someone out there who recognizes what they are going through. And in the case of bullying, I’d like to point out to people that this is a problem, that it causes harm to others, especially psychologically. I want to be a voice for the suffering people, to call attention to these issues that need to be addressed.

I have always felt some sort of sympathy or at least an understanding towards Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. I can see that they were lashing out because of the harassment they had faced, which fueled their hatred. In part, Sathiel’s mindset and behavior were influenced by them. One of the main driving points for my novel about him is that society screwed him over and helped to make him who he is. In his mind at least, he places blame on all those who tormented him as a child, on all the screwed up people around him. And I can see that others’ behavior towards an individual can breed hatred and resentment. These violent, vengeful people are victims themselves. It’s no surprise that they turn to acts of violence in order to vent and cope. And yet, everyone acts so shocked when these acts of violence occur. To quote Nightwish, Dwell in hypocrisy, “How were we supposed to know?”

I’ve noticed I’ve tended to root for the underdog in a sense. In my stories, I like to illustrate that these dark, “bad” people who you’d normally despise can actually turn out to be good in a way. They become the protagonist, the anti-hero. These lost souls are not necessarily lost. Or perhaps they are, and I can take the opportunity to explore the darker side of human nature, to recognize that the way they think and view themselves at least has some glimmer of light. They can justify their actions, they’re not bad guys, if you’ll only look at them from another view. That was the main motivation for another novel of mine, which I just recently took the characters from to make a 10-minute play. It has a role reversal in which these fallen characters become the good guys and the one who sees himself as doing good actually is commiting greater atrocities. The only trouble is, I don’t really know what it’s like to be a “bad guy”, aside from studying personality types and similar types of characters and trying to imagine what it’s like. (Sathiel’s an 8w7 btw, aptly titled “the Maverick”. And quite an unhealthy one at that.)

Anyway, the idea came of relating the story of a teen who commited a school shooting murder-suicide and using that to address the issue of bullying and how it can cause school violence. I imagine the “ghost” of this teen scoffing at people’s attempts to make sense of the crime by placing blame on video games, music, etc. It’s sort of seeing things from the other side, having him relate his feelings and motivations. Something drove him to this point, and the only way to prevent future such acts of violence is to take care of what caused this hatred and desire for vengeance in the first place. I’m still debating about what his personality should be like. Should he be arrogant and see himself as superior to those who taunted him now that he has power over them? Does he see himself as a martyr in a way? I don’t want him to be too much like Sathiel, cause that’s a whole other story. Maybe he shouldn’t be too full of himself, just expressing himself through lording power over others during his killing spree. Hurt deeply at the heart of it all, depressive and angry. He shouldn’t see himself as better, just now they’re even.

Now, I wonder how I should present it. I imagined him talking directly to the audience, but I don’t want it to seem too preachy or “talking rather than showing”. And I don’t want it to blatantly be saying THIS IS THE PLAY’S MESSAGE. I thought about maybe one of his friends kind of talking to his grave while he’s expressing his feelings about what he did and what drove him to it. It can be sort of like what we did with Pinter’s Landscape. Only less confusing, lol. So we can kind of hear two sides of the issue. Yeah, I like that. Don’t know how long that would be though. Maybe I can add some other people and give their feelings on the matter. I can kind of show the less represented people - everyone knows how the teachers and parents and victims feel. I can show the people who actually knew this kid, who might have known what he was going through, maybe kids who idolized him and his actions. Ooh... getting my creative ideas flowing. :)
 
 
Marianne
23 December 2006 @ 06:30 pm
Just reading a little in my children’s literature book... I feel compelled to write books aimed at children and teenagers which promote self- and social acceptance and which counteract the superficiality of modern culture. You look on tv and there’s all this eMpTyV crap. Celebrity/pop icon blah and materialism. Maybe that’s a way to help change things. Target young people and challenge them to see the pointlessness of all that, give them something else to look at and think about. Maybe catch them before they lose their desire to read and think!
 
 
Marianne
29 November 2006 @ 07:06 pm
I’m disenchanted with society. All this mundanity. People just... living lives that suck. No meaning behind it. Trudging through. Everything’s so superficial. And it’s not as though you can choose anything different. You’re trapped in a life of banality. Just to eat, you have to go through all these hoops. And these are hoops that we ourselves created. Who came up with all this? How do we break free? We have so much more potential... There is so much more we could be doing. We could be leading so much better lives. But we’re stuck in this way of being. We’re not living, we’re fighting to make it through another day.

If life is for living, half of us are dead, and the rest are dreaming of the next world.

And this is what they chooseCollapse )

Mankind works in mysterious waysCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
Marianne
26 November 2006 @ 07:47 pm
Was watching a program on the evolution of species. It got me thinking about the issue of having kids, of passing on my genes. Not really something I’m inclined to do. But should I? In much of the animal kingdom, that’s the most important thing. But is it really as important for us now, especially considering the overpopulation we have today? The most important thing is no longer passing on your genes. It’s passing on your thoughts, your ideas, your creations. It’s your legacy. Your contribution. I have more to contribute than just another being who will create another being who will create another being... I can contribute the products of my mind, and it can perhaps have more impact on humanity than just another person. But then, I wonder, what of the contributions my line might make? It’s all chance though, really. I can’t base things on what ifs, because any number of things could happen. And I can only be responsible for my own actions, my own contributions. I must believe that whatever happens is what was meant to be. Even my own choices. I must take my own actions and be convinced that it should not have happened any other way. So there can be no ill done by my choice to not have kids, can there? Sometimes, that’s just the way things turn out, by one means or another. Perhaps it’s just how things were meant to be.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
Marianne
11 November 2006 @ 05:42 pm
We went to the Denver Art Museum today. I’ve reestablished that I don’t like modern art. It’s not... art. It’s stupid. Some of it is at least creative. But what the hell are you trying to express with a bunch of multicolored circles, or lines and squares? What is that? It’s just crap. It’s not anything. I don’t see how those people are artists. Maybe they just take that label and be pretentious. They enjoy the “scene”. I prefer the renaissance. Then people were actually creating something beautiful. They had knowledge and understanding of form and composition. And... talent.

I also dislike the city. Too many people. And everything is dirty, filthy. Everything is grey. Too crowded. I don’t think I could live there. Although, to get into the arts, especially performing arts, you kind of need to be where the people are. Where there are crowds. The art “scene”. I don’t like it, but how else do you do it?

Thinking more about it, there are so many people... Everywhere you look, there are more and more, masses of people. Hundreds of thousands, millions, billions. Just driving down the highway, look at all those cars. Look at all the neighborhoods, stores. So many people. And then keep multiplying that. It’s hard to comprehend how many there are. Too many people. And then you think... the earth seems so huge, but really it’s miniscule. Think of how big the universe is. All of this here? It’s nothing. Sure, there are billions of people, but so many more billions of stars. And they’re huge in comparision. We’re just specks in the great scheme of things. What does it matter? And yet we’re all just trying to find a job, to pay the rent, to have our own little piece of something nice - a potted plant. Seems kind of pointless. We’ve buried ourselves in our own little way of life, and there’s not much substance to it at all. Meh. I don’t want to find a job to pay the rent, to eat, to live. There should be more.


“Come faeries, take me out of this dull world. For I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.” - W.B. Yeats
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
 
 
Marianne
14 February 2006 @ 03:13 am
I meant to elaborate on this more, but my thoughts are so fleeting. It seems as though, unless I get it all down at the moment when I am truly feeling these things, it will be awhile before I can stir up that same inspiration. But anyway, I was just thinking not long ago about the many gifts I’ve been given, and how to go about putting them to use...

I have all these talents, and I’ve been blessed with so many gifts. But I still have yet to accomplish anything with all that I’ve been given. I’ve finally been able to acknowledge these things on a personal level, and I’ve been able to show these things to my limited group of family, friends, teachers, classmates, and acquaintances. But I want to be able to reach a broader scope of people. I want to find out how to really get myself “out there”. Where do I go, what steps do I need to take? I want to put these talents to use. I want people to see me in all the many ways I can express myself. I want to share what I have. How do I do it?
 
 
Current Music: Blind Guardian - Mies del Dolor