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08 April 2004 @ 07:42 pm
I just finished reading Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto, which I had set aside for awhile. It's a good book.

Am I a loner? I would assume so. I prefer to play alone, to think alone, to be alone. Though, a part of me still yearns for connection. A part of me still worries that I'm missing something. It is why I can't consistently work on my story. Why I sit alone and silent on my character, wondering if anything will happen, if anyone will come by. It is why I sigh as I read about others' lives, wondering, "Why can't I be like that?"

But then why do I hide? Why do I dwell in my solitude and shut out all others? Why are any attempts at conversation met with the same pre-generated responses: "Hi." "Okay." "Not much." Why does anything else feel so fake? Why does conversation bore me? Is it possible to have friends, but never talk? Can't we connect without dealing with all the muddiness in between?

Help me if you can
It's just that this
Is not the way I'm wired
So could you please
Help me understand
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
The Other Grendel Slayer: wolfpicbeerwulf on April 8th, 2004 08:34 pm (UTC)
Why does conversation bore me? Is it possible to have friends, but never talk?

Maybe it's not 'conversation' that bores you, but the individual conversations you've had? That is, you want to connect through intelligent conversation, but for whatever reasons, those you have to talk with are just on a different level.

I find that a lot of the things that I'd like to talk about aren't interesting to my (limited number of) friends, or they know nothing about it, so there's no point.

We're not even really a coherent group. Sometimes when I'm out with my friends I look across the room and see another group of people who are /my/ kind of people, and I think to myself "I should be over there. /That's/ the kind of group I belong in."

Somehow I ended up ranting about me in your journal. :/ But what I'm trying to say is don't give up on conversation altogether, just because it's been lame thus far. I think.
Christy: dreamy // meronashexriot on April 10th, 2004 08:59 pm (UTC)
i love to read your journal, i think i have since last summer maybe the summer before. i never added you but i think I will now, i hope you don't mind :)
Marianneresplendentposy on April 11th, 2004 11:26 pm (UTC)
Sure, I don't mind. And thank you.
Michael Garrison Riveraamgien on April 16th, 2004 10:47 am (UTC)
Reading your journal on the recommendation of another.. this stuff is really... depressing. While in a odd way also being happily poetic.
Marianneresplendentposy on April 16th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you.. I think. *smiles*