Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,

  • Mood:
Something has to change
Undeniable dilemma
Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear
Constant over stimulation numbs me
And I would not have it any other way

It's not enough
I need more
Nothing seems to satisfy
I don't want it
I just need it
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive

I went to my therapist today. She brought up something, that if I encounter an uncomfortable feeling, I decide not to do whatever it is that caused that feeling. Or, for instance, when I'm getting ready, I have to do certain things otherwise I feel uncomfortable. So to avoid that feeling, I do these things that I've grown accustomed to, even if it makes me late for an appointment or whatever. And she says that the way out is to encounter that uncomfortable feeling, and continue and endure it, and the more contact I have with it, the more I will desensitize to it, until it becomes easier and easier for me.

But, bleh...

My mom is going to try and get me an appointment for a psychological evaluation. I never really had one, just read some things and pieced together what might be wrong. My therapist also thinks I should look into group therapy, as that would get me some contact with other people in a safe environment, where I can "practice" being social. Better than diving into the deep end... My mom has found some groups around here that focus on ocd, but none really for social anxiety. I guess that would work though.

It shouldn't be this hard for people to be "normal" right? Though I never really considered myself normal... It would be nice if the world would adjust to fit me, but alas. I do want these things.. some of these things... So I guess I'll have to try. I just wish it wasn't so hard...

I need to learn
Teach me how
Sorrow to burn
Help me return
To humanity
I'll be fearless and thorough
To enter this temple of hope
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