Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,

You know, I could be like.. cool.. if only I had self-confidence and self-esteem. I could be such an interesting figurehead. But alas, I “just be” only in private. Only there, can I dance, and sing, and pose in the mirror. That is the only place I can truly be me, where no one will see. That is where I lose all inhibitions, with no one there to hold me back, no reason to be nervous.

I admired Ian, a friend of my brother’s from hockey. He would deliberately put his helmet on backwards, and skate around and do pirouets. He didn’t care what anyone thought. He acted so cute and silly, and just had that same smile whether people laughed or shook their heads. He wasn’t doing it for any of them, he was just doing what he felt like doing.

I wish I could be the same way... I wish I weren’t so afraid. I wish I could just be me, and worry not about what other people think. I want to lose myself in myself, and drown out all the rest. I want people to see who I am, but act as though they are not even there. I want freedom from my self-consciousness, my worries. I want to be able to just be...
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