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03 June 2002 @ 03:28 am
I've come to realize that I miss Azaeruil... Not even Chapel, but Azaeruil...

I was reading through some logs I have. I know I probably shouldn't dwell on it, but I do. I loved roleplaying with him. Azaeruil is the whole reason I became attracted to Chapel in the first place. And other people have told me that what I saw in him wasn't really even there... I don't know...

I miss him...
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Dream Theater - A Change of Seasons
(Anonymous) on June 3rd, 2002 03:49 am (UTC)

For some reason it seems as though you don't really even miss Azaeruil, you just missed the whole thing itself, and how it made you feel. You miss the fantasy of it all, you based that character involved on yourself, did you not? And Azaeruil jumped up and played that role for her as best anyone could, and you loved how that felt, your char being played out as she should have. And you loved the attention, and the idea of love, and you felt that since your character had those feelings, why not you? And since she fell for Azaeruil, you fell for Chapel..

Just my thoughts.
Marianneresplendentposy on June 3rd, 2002 10:38 pm (UTC)
I'm in the middle of turning my logs into story form, so I guess that is what first brought it up. I did, and still do, kind of let myself get caught up in what my characters are going through. I don't think Celidie was so much based on me, but maybe more the way I would like to be. She was always my favorite character. She could voice her mind and act however she pleased without thinking of what others' opinions were. I could actually get into her character and act things out without much thought on how she was supposed to act, she just came naturally for me.

With Azaeruil, I suppose I was intrigued by him, just as Celidie was. She fell in love with the character, and I fell in love with the situation, the attention, and the roleplay opportunity it presented me. It gave me the chance to act out my character in new ways, and it gave me someone to share that with. And I guess that I began to think of Chapel the same way. I thought perhaps that if his character enjoyed spending time with my character, then perhaps he enjoyed spending time with me. And I sought the same things from him that Celidie sought from Azaeruil.

I now know that Chapel isn't the same as I had hoped he was. But I still miss spending time with Azaeruil, because then, I suppose, the fantasy could still be real. Then, things could be the way that I want them to be, and I could enjoy myself as I did when we roleplayed together. I could still get the attention that I sought, and I could experience it as my character, and not have to create someone new, in hopes that I could receive the same treatment from one of his chars as I did as Celidie from Azaeruil.

I think that is why I was never really happy as Aerydais. Because I sought the same treatment, and yet I couldn't receive it, because the situation was not the same. I remember talking to Chapel, and knowing that I wasn't happy, yet not knowing what it was that I wanted. But, I think what I really wanted was to be able to go back and experience the relationship between Celidie and Azaeruil, as that was what I truly wanted all along.
(Deleted comment)
Vickiemelopene on June 3rd, 2002 10:39 am (UTC)
dream theater songs from some CD of theirs... dionae is a big DT freak :)
Dracodigitaldraco on June 3rd, 2002 11:48 am (UTC)
They're from Dream Theater's Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence. It's their latest album. :-)

(also a Dream Theater freak)
(Deleted comment)
Dracodigitaldraco on June 4th, 2002 03:30 am (UTC)
Re: *grin*
They've had four new albums since then.

Falling Into Infinity: a departure from their usual sound - I like it but many DT fans find it too "main stream" or at least "not DT enough" for their tastes

Scenes From a Memory: quite possibly their BEST ever - the "sequel" to Metropolis Part I and a concept album with a story no less.. also the debut album for their new keyboardist Jordan Rudess

Scenes From New York: three CD live album recorded at the New York Roseland ballroom - includes all of SFaM (with some bonuses thrown in such as solos from both Jordan and James and a couple multi-media goodies) and several other songs from Awake, Images and Words, etc.

Six Degreees of Inner Turbulence: a two CD album and definitely worth a spot in any DT fan's collection as it has some amazing tunes on both CDs