And now, some players are just shrugging this off as well. They say that he’s allowed to cheat because he’s the owner of the mud. So he can do whatever the hell he wants, no matter who is hurt by it. I don’t suppose they would be saying that if, say, Terloch decided it would be fun to slay them and eat their corpse? I mean, where do you draw the line? Rayne made a post on the forums asking about what happened and basically saying wtf? I don’t think it was overly rude or anything. I didn’t even realize that Terloch had been involved until the whole situation was recounted to me. And, amazingly, that post was gone within an hour. There was a whole string of notes on the general board (and I’ll admit, that one in particular was pretty asinine). And now all of them are gone. So.. T won’t even admit that he cheated, and then tries to cover it up and pretend like nothing even happened. I just can’t keep playing a game where that is the attitude. What is the point of continuing to put all this effort into making this a better place when even the owner acts like that?
It’s not just this incident which is driving me away. And if it were, maybe I could let it slide. But, I’ve been steadily losing interest in the game. I’ve been enjoying myself less and less. Some of it is just boredom. All I do basically is shardhunt and occasionally engage in some rp within the house. There is no overall storyline to this game. There is no moving forward. Everyone just does their own little rp with their own house or group of friends, and houses go to war over the stupidiest little thing just so that they can pk for a week and then make peace again, and the cycle repeats. There’s no point to any of it. Then, you have stupid people like Vyctor who have to have things their way and cannot stand to let people do their own thing in peace. Then you have the twinks who just want to be uber 1337 and pk and make life miserable for other people. And then there’s the stupid decisions and changes which make rp look like a complete joke. For instance, Trelahna was ousted from being a hler and given no explanation. Kars and Vyctor write ic notes dissing her and whatnot. Then, a couple weeks later, Trelahna is reinstated as hler (with a new player of course) and Kars and Vyctor act like everything’s fine. It becomes rediculously evident that T only caters to certain people.
I just don’t know if it’s worth it to put all my energy into this game if I am no longer enjoying myself. I was going to build a new elven village, and make maps, and develop the eastern side of the realms, and design t-shirts, and all kinds of things. But why even bother with all that? Why try to improve a game which I can’t even stand to play, due to attitudes and one-sidedness and general blehness? A part of me is reluctant to leave. I mean, I’ve spent five years here, and I’ve hardly taken any breaks during all that time. I’ve worked hard on characters. I’ve developed them rp-wise and otherwise. I’ve made friends. I’ve had alot of fun here. This has been my home forever now. It’s hard to just give all that up. But, I keep thinking that it’s just text, and all those things I’ve gathered as my characters overtime don’t really exist. They’re meaningless. And I may actually be willing to let that go. Aleksey has kind of come to a stop with his storyline. The rest of his family isn’t even around most of the time. And what is there for the commander of the elves to do when nothing is happening? I doubt I’ll be interested in developing another character for this game.
So.. what now? I still don’t know if I’m ready to call it quits for sure. A break is in order though. And I’ll have to see if I’m willing to come back after that. I made a new character on CoM. I had made a felis ranger a few months ago and got her to level 28. I’ve noticed some changes after two years (yes, it has actually been that long.. wow) and it seems to have gotten better. Those little things that I always used to only be able to find on Feudal are now present on CoM too. And there’s things I like better. But.. I don’t know if I want to get that involved in a mud again. Maybe it would be better to just focus on my own worlds, my own stories. If I’m finally able to pull myself away, maybe I should use this as an opportunity to get my real life in order. So.. I don’t know. I feel kind of lost. I’m leaving behind alot of things, and I’m not quite sure what to pick up next. Oh well. I will see, I suppose...
Home is behind the world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow, to the edge of night
Till the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow, cloud and shade
All shall fade, all shall fade