Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,

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Am I just sitting by, wasting my life away? Am I chasing after things that aren't real, hoping that it will bring some meaning to me? I feel like... I don't know what I feel. This can't be all that's expected of me. This can't be all that I am. I don't know what's real... I don't know what to believe. I don't know what I am. I don't know what's "right". I just feel so "wrong"...

I have been searching for who I am for all my life. I am so much more self-aware than many people will ever be. But I still don't know who I am... In all my understanding, I don't understand why I am not content with what I have... I don't know all the answers, but at least I know more than the people who simply go through life blindly, because that is what they're "supposed" to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I can't find where I belong...

There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more...

Sigh, I don't know what's real... I just feel so trapped. I want to let go... I'm sick of this life and all the stupid shit that doesn't really matter... But I don't know what matters... So I just continue moving on with no direction. I don't know if I'm crazy, or if I'm the most lucid-minded person for thinking what I do. And I don't know if it will make a difference... I just want to find where I belong. I want to escape...

This is not reality...

Still awake
I continue to move along
Cultivating my own nonsense...
Welcome to the Wasteland
Where you'll find ashes
Nothing but ashes...

Still awake
Bringing change
Bringing movement, bringing life
A silent prayer, thrown away
Disappearing in the air
Rising, sinking, raining deep inside me
Nowhere to turn
I look for a way back home...
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