Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,
Marianne
resplendentposy

  • Music:

Passive

Bloody inhibitions. Wish I could feel completely free to be myself around other people, and to show them who myself is, what she thinks and likes and wants. I feel so guarded, so distant. I cannot engage in relationships with other people because I cannot express myself or reveal myself. ‘Tis likely why I feel fake, because I can’t be open enough to reveal my true self and my true feelings. I let others run everything because I don’t know how I “should” act, and I am too afraid to act on what I feel like doing. I feel like what I do is somehow wrong unless the other person invites it. And so I just go along for the ride, because otherwise I feel lost. And the irony is that I want to be free to do what I want to do. I don’t like restrictions and responsibilities. But I feel like, when engaging with other people, I need to be told what to do. I don’t know how to be myself when others are around. I wonder why I am so afraid of opening up... I’m so afraid of showing who I am, and yet my greatest desire is to show people who I am. I want them to see the beauty that hides inside. I want them to understand and appreciate all that I am. But I don’t dare show them? I don’t know why I’m so afraid...
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