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04 October 2005 @ 04:25 am
I feel pretty. I forget that sometimes. And then other times I can’t look away from the mirror. After reading about bdd, I’ve noticed my preoccupation with mirrors. Whenever I look away, I have to make sure I leave off with a good view of myself at a good angle, because that’s sort of how I see myself from that point on. I have to leave a good impression on myself? *snicker* It’s kind of like my obsessive-compulsive need to have things feel “right”. I can’t move onto something else until I feel completely comfortable and finished with whatever I’m preoccupied with at the moment.

I also analyze pictures to death. Because, though I can spend hours in front of the mirror posing and convincing myself that I’m beautiful, a picture is a moment in time frozen. And if, at that moment in time, I wasn’t looking quite as good as I know I can look, as I’ve seen myself look, then I begin to second-guess myself. I don’t have those other beautiful moments captured, but a picture I can always go back to. So, yeah, just thought I would capture this moment, since I’m feeling and looking beautiful. Now if only I could get a picture to capture it perfectly... Hm, it makes me think about modeling. Because then, the photographer’s goal is to make you look gorgeous. I’ve thought about it before, mayhaps I should look into it again...
Current Music: Demons and Wizards - Lunar Lament
Livakmisere on October 4th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
I had a friend named Miles once.

He was a pretty smart guy, and said something that finally made me understand something about how we see ourselves.

I grew up believing I was ugly.
I couldn't see the pretty parts.

We were discussing this, since at the time, I had trouble accepting compliments and it bugged him, and I'm not the sort who's good at lying. So I told him, well, I don't think I'm ugly, but this and this and this and this, aren't exactly pretty...and I went down and explained each thing I saw wrong.

Miles was cute for a guy, and so it made sense when he stated the following.

"Sara, Look at me. Am I Ugly?"

I was suprised, and so stared at him a moment, and then just shook my head. Then he proceeded to point out all of the flaws, and all of the things that HE Noticed about himself...

"Get it? It doesn't matter what we look like, we can't see what we really look like because we are too busy concentrating on things that no one but us really notices in the first place."

...For the first time, I DID get it.

You can find flaws anywhere and on anyone if you look hard enough.

But unless you are trying, you're not always going to see them...
and most others don't either.

Sometimes it's our flaws that MAKE us beautiful.
Marianneresplendentposy on October 5th, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
The Other Grendel Slayer: wolfpicbeerwulf on October 7th, 2005 05:48 am (UTC)
Hey, modelling might be a great idea.

There was a girl at school who, although not really that shy, always 'held back' when presenting herself: she never wore makeup and always had her hair cut short and boyish. In Year 12 she started modelling, and then I saw her once a few years later. Her hair was all long, black and gorgeous, and super-styled with hairspray, and she wore makeup and hawt clinging clothes.... she went from a 'daggy girl' to a BABE in that time, I reckon it was the modelling that gave her that confidence.