February 14th, 2003

Girl with flower

Happy Valentine's Day...

Blind Guardian - The Maiden and the Minstrel Knight

The faithful crowd is gathered here
Soon they'll appear
The high and mighty show up
The king is in doubts
"Apart from this beggar here
There's no one like you my dear
Tasting my lips
No one but you and him"

Round the fire everyone should sing
And praise the gracious queen
Round the fire everyone should dance
And praise the handsome knight

Forever and ever we both will be one
The maiden, the fair and the young
Fell in love

Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand
Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand

There's a moment in life when all the years will pass by
And the eyes filled with tears we once shed
We recognize failures, the desperate cries
Of the ones who believed in our lies

Wherever I go, you'll be with me
My first thought and my last
Though we'll depart in bitterness
One day you'll understand

Carry on
Beloved maiden, mine
Carry on
Or we have to pay the price

Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand
Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand

Yesterday's memories and melodies
Are gone with the wind, so sad
Snow-white her hands and golden her hair
But she's not the one
Out in the emptiness where everything's pale
There is no sign of you, I'm alone
How I wish you were here, I'm alone
Telling me it's alright, come rest
Come rest your head
Come rest your head
Come rest your head
Come rest your head

I'm alone and sadness reigns in my heart
As long as we live, it won't go away
We are one but torn apart

Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand
Will you still wait for me?
Will you still cry for me?
Come and take my hand

Proudly it stands
Until the world's end
The victorious banner of love
Girl with flower

(no subject)

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
EXTRAVERSION...............1 *
..Friendliness.............0
..Gregariousness...........4 ****
..Assertiveness............4 ****
..Activity Level...........5 *****
..Excitement-Seeking.......6 ******
..Cheerfulness.............0


Your score on Extraversion is low, indicating you are introverted, reserved, and quiet. You enjoy solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
AGREEABLENESS..............51 ***************************************************
..Trust....................15 ***************
..Morality.................64 ****************************************************************
..Altruism.................6 ******
..Cooperation..............82 **********************************************************************************
..Modesty..................70 **********************************************************************
..Sympathy.................73 *************************************************************************


Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........27 ***************************
..Self-Efficacy............13 *************
..Orderliness..............47 ***********************************************
..Dutifulness..............38 **************************************
..Achievement-Striving.....24 ************************
..Self-Discipline..........5 *****
..Cautiousness.............75 ***************************************************************************


Your score on Conscientiousness is low, indicating you like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
NEUROTICISM................75 ***************************************************************************
..Anxiety..................85 *************************************************************************************
..Anger....................24 ************************
..Depression...............89 *****************************************************************************************
..Self-Consciousness.......93 *********************************************************************************************
..Immoderation.............23 ***********************
..Vulnerability............91 *******************************************************************************************


Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....66 ******************************************************************
..Imagination..............88 ****************************************************************************************
..Artistic Interests.......65 *****************************************************************
..Emotionality.............64 ****************************************************************
..Adventurousness..........17 *****************
..Intellect................69 *********************************************************************
..Liberalism...............54 ******************************************************


Your score on Openness to Experience is average, indicating you enjoy tradition but are willing to try new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual.

You can take the test here.

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Girl with flower

Striving toward sociability...

Okay, I'm going to work on some things so I can actually feel like I'm living life again, instead of pining away in my room.

- Go shopping, go to the bookstore, just get out more on a regular basis.
- Buy a new purse. The one I have now is basically a wallet on a string, and I want to have room for a notepad and pencil so I can write if an idea comes to me when I'm out living life again.
- Get a car.
- Get my driver's license.
- Now that I'll have transportation, I can go places on my own. Out to lunch or to the bookstore. Just try to feel more comfortable outside doing things.
- And during this whole process, I can work on being more "approachable". Just how does one appear approachable? Or better yet, how does one feel approachable without feeling "fake"?

I also asked my mom to give Johnny my email address. My mom volunteers to raise money for the high school band by working at the bingo hall which Johnny's mom owns. She's been telling me about him, though I've been too nervous to actually go over there and meet him. Here's a picture of him. So.. does he look like Peter Forsberg? Anyway, I think I would feel more comfortable just talking with him online first, and maybe we can see where things go from there.

*takes a deep breath* Well.. I'm working on it. Hopefully by just taking little steps I'll be able to feel more comfortable out in the real world. And hopefully I can learn to just be "me" no matter what my surroundings are, and not worry about what other people might think, and break free of my self-consciousness. It seems like such a long way away, but at least I'm trying...
  • Current Music
    Blind Guardian - And Then There was Silence