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27 March 2007 @ 03:22 am
 
Too much to do, to think about, and not enough time to do everything. There’s real life, which I suppose I should put the most focus on. And then there’s my mind, which still needs to sort out so much stuff. I feel like I need to take the time to step away and just figure things out, understand myself. I think that’s a type Four thing, having to sort out my feelings before I can truly start taking action. I want to understand why I am so afraid of being known, of letting others see who I truly am. I want to know how to break down my wall and overcome these inhibitions. I want to explore my sexuality, my fears and my fantasies, and to become comfortable with experiencing that. I want to figure out this whole socializing thing and see how it feels to stretch beyond myself. I want to get back in touch with my spirituality, to explore other beliefs and to discover my own truths.

I guess a lot of it focuses on fear, on the unknown. I want understanding, to face these things and to learn and to grow in comfort. Right now they’re these issues that I have that are holding me back. They’re still there causing me to wonder, to doubt, causing me anxiety. But with my real life responsibilities, it’s too much to handle all at once. I have to set them aside and deal with what needs to be dealt with first. But they’re still there, hanging around my mind. Always something to worry about. I guess other people just pay no attention to these things. They deal with the real world, which is why they can take on so much more than me. Because they don’t have these other things floating around their heads. Yeah, it seems that all my difficulties are internal. Thank goodness I have a support system, or else I might be lost in this world.

Silly girl, she thinks too much. But I guess it’s good that I want to work on bettering myself, on exploring who I am, and striving to reach my full potential. My gift and my curse, I think I’ve said that before. But I’d rather be this way than any other.
 
 
 
CriScO: C n' M Happycrisco747 on March 27th, 2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
I want to explore your sexuality too!

Sorry hun, I couldn't resist. :)
Marianneresplendentposy on March 27th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC)
:P
(Anonymous) on March 28th, 2007 06:58 am (UTC)
Oooh, does that mean you want to lick me?

Seriously honey, you make it too easy. :)
CriScOcrisco747 on March 28th, 2007 07:01 am (UTC)
Oops! Forgot to log in! That last one was me, not some random creepy guy.

It was this creepy guy. :)
Marianneresplendentposy on March 28th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. See what I'll have to deal with now that you've got internet again? *snicker*
CriScO: C n' M Happycrisco747 on March 29th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Stop pretending, you know you love it! :) *kiss*