Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,

I sent in my final essay for English class, so that’s the end of the semester. We had to write a persuasion paper and conduct research about a topic. I decided to write mine about body image and the negative effects that the media can have on how we view ourselves. For research, I was just scanning some of the communities on eating disorders. It nearly makes me cry. :( It’s like you know that these feelings and opinions you have of yourself are wrong, but you can’t do anything about them. You can’t just change them. It’s a long process that takes work. The cure for anorexia isn’t just to start eating. You have to fix the poor self-esteem and poor body image that’s the root of it. And it’s sad that we’re constantly feeding ourselves these lies that we’re not good enough, we’re fat, we’re ugly, we’re flawed. It’s so hard to recognize your own beauty and accept yourself for who you are and cherish that.

For such a long time, I held this negative self-image, and I look back now and it’s painful to think how harsh I was on myself, that I couldn’t realize all the gifts and beauty that I have. I have a song I’ve been writing that’s not quite finished, and I’m basically asking how could I do this to myself? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why did I have to find this out for myself and struggle so long with these negative feelings? And I want so much to reach out to other people who are feeling the same way and to show them who they really are and that they possess this beauty, if only they could see.

Well, I’ll have about a month now before fall semester starts. It feels good to get some of these classes out of the way. We’ll see how I do with the extra courseload later on. I feel constantly busy just taking a couple classes. I’ve tried to plan on taking certain classes together in a semester so that I don’t have too much reading or writing at once. Plus, I want to try and get as much done during the break as I can so that I don’t have to worry about it when classes start. I’m planning on taking the GED as soon as I look over what will be on it and study the book that I got. I’d like to finish editing Stareleon and send that in too. Those are my two main goals to get done in the next few weeks.

Also, I’m filling out an application for working at an assisted living place, serving meals and such. It’s part-time and has flexible hours, so that’s nice. I can work evenings and weekends and choose which days. It’s not exactly my ideal job, but I think it’d be better than working customer service at some other place. Plus the schedule seems more reasonable than other places and would be easier to work around school. I really ought to find some source of income though. I’ve considered looking into modeling and film around town. And if I manage to get Stareleon published, that would be nice. I also have my other stories I need to work on too. But this would be something at least, and it’ll provide some income while I sit around waiting to hear from publishers. So, we’ll see how that goes.
Tags: beautiful, body image, career, expressive, jobs, school, writing
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