My sister will have completed her Bachelor's degree by the time I finish my Associate's. Some people at work even think she's older than me. Granted, my older brother never finished a degree, but at least he's found a successful job. I plan on getting my Bachelor's and then... what? Throwing myself into the industry and hoping I find something? Somehow keep afloat by selling the books that I can't get myself to sit down and write? Neither one of those things are really stable careers.
I can't help but feel like I wasted four years of my life doing nothing but staying locked up in the house, sleeping all day, and playing Feudal Realms. Although, I did use that time overcoming depression and "finding myself," and I don't think that I would have been ready then to do some of the things that I'm doing now. Maybe I needed that developmental stage. But I still feel like, had I been motivated enough, I could have gotten to this point a lot quicker. And I feel like I'm behind other people. Although I suppose I've had time to figure some things out that other people wait their whole lives to do. But... am I really that much more wise, when there is so much "real world" knowledge that I'm ignorant of? Does anyone even appreciate what I see? Will I ever be able to show anyone?
I don't know where I should start. I'm going for a degree because I think that will help me with training and knowledge and better prepare me for what lies ahead. But what lies ahead? I feel like I don't have time with schoolwork to work on my stories or to get involved in theatre and film. Will I do those things once I'm finished with school? I feel like, by then, even more time will have passed, and I'll be trying to catch up. I look at other people who are achieving successes in these fields and I wonder how they did it. I feel like I'm doing these things to prepare myself, while other people have already done it. Do I need to just jump in, to do it? I don't know how... Or I think I'm not prepared, and I'm afraid of failing. I don't have the confidence in myself. I need someone to direct me and tell me what steps to take. I know where I want to be, but how do I get there?