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05 January 2003 @ 08:26 pm
Random Thoughts  
Time passes so quickly.

I've been dreaming alot more recently. I have the strangest dreams, all so completely random, coming from all corners of my imagination.

There are so many people in the world. Just think about it. So many strangers. So many different faces and minds. I wonder how they all can fit in heaven. When one exists outside the boundaries of time, do physical boundaries remain? I suppose not...

I have heard my own Song on the Wind. It was always there, though sometimes I chose to ignore it, and sometimes I caught only a few precious notes of a sweet, elaborate melody. Aleksey's calling was to protect. My calling is to change. To change people's hearts, minds, ideas, and beliefs. I sometimes wonder if it is even worth the effort. So much is wrong, and so much will be forgotten. Yet I will do what I can. And maybe it will be enough, one step on the long road to revolution.

I am clearly good-aligned. Yet there is a darker side to me as well. Like the moon, the night. Comforting, beautiful, though dark, silent, deep, and mysterious.

I thought I was tainted. Though perhaps I am one of the purest individuals, with a mind clear enough to see things as they truly are, free of all the twisted and distorted views and manipulations. I am not here to plague the world. I am here to save it.

When I die, will it hurt? Will I be terrified, or calm? Who will I leave behind? Who will cry for me? Will I be remembered? Will it matter? Will I be ready? Will I have left things unfinished? Will I have said the right words to the right people at the right time? Will I at last be happy, at peace, unburdened, and perfect? Will I have found all the answers I am seeking?

Sometimes I'm so afraid...
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Raindrops on my window
 
 
 
Vivinusvivinus on January 5th, 2003 08:18 pm (UTC)
Nobody's future is defined or set out for them. You make your future with each and every action you take. Use your will, when you have an important decision to make with two or more choices, never take one on the whim, saying that it's fate, and you were meant to pick whichever one you do. Use your conscience and your heart. Do what you know is right, what's best.

Whatever you believe you were put on this earth to do, you will do it, no matter what. There is no failure for the pure. Maybe you are meant to reach people. Maybe you're like a guardian angel, though? You may only have one person to reach, one person to be there for and change the world for. You don't necessarily have to be there for the masses.

When I die, will it hurt? Will I be terrified, or calm? Who will I leave behind? Who will cry for me? Will I be remembered? Will it matter? Will I be ready? Will I have left things unfinished? Will I have said the right words to the right people at the right time? Will I at last be happy, at peace, unburdened, and perfect? Will I have found all the answers I am seeking?

Sometimes I'm so afraid...


Pain is only in the mind. You will have a peaceful slumber, I promise you that. You will not fear it, you will be ready for it, and accept it. Those that you leave will meet you again in the future, and all of us who know you will cry for you, cry for the goodness lost, but which we'll later see again with our own passing. How can anybody forget someone like you; Someone so intelligent and beautiful, an angel in a human body.

I feel guilty for your thoughts. I wonder if we never talked last night if you'd have them, but I talk to you, and you talk to me. Yet, you aren't on tonight..

Don't fear your life, or your future, or even death.

Please, immagine the possibilities you have. Immagine the happiness you can achieve, and quite honestly, you don't really need to work so hard for it. You don't really need to "get out and get a life" or whatever people say, that's just good for you is all.

Do you remember when we talked awhile ago, and you said you probably would come visit me in the future? Why not consider it more? I know, and I know that you know, you'd be happy. Maybe uncomfortable at first, but everybody is uncomfortable at first. You said you wanted to get out more, so come on down here. We can talk more, and go outside more together. Let me be there for you as you're always here for me.

..I got off track.

Don't be afraid.