And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
I've been reading in my enneagram book again...
For Fours to achieve self-actualization, they must let go of their identification with a particular self-image that they are more inherently flawed than others - that they are missing something that others have. Basically... I have to realize that I am perfect as I am, that I am different but not wrong, that I have everything I need to be happy and need not wait for someone else to bring happiness to me. This goes for you too, Joe. :)
It can be difficult to work up self-esteem, and to be content with oneself after seeing those imagined flaws for so long and being obsessed with fixing them or covering them up. For so long, when I caught people looking at me, I thought it was because of something wrong with me. I never thought to realize that maybe it was because they were interested in me, that those glances were good and not bad.
I've been trying too hard for too long. I need to stop and just be myself and express myself as I please. I need to smile and dream and live, and be happy as who I am, and not worry about who I think I'm not. If I want freedom, I must first free my mind from the prison I've created, from the false vision I've imagined.
"Fours at this level embrace life profoundly: they are truly connected with their authentic selves and with the world. They stop restricting the kinds of experiences that they will allow themselves and learn to say "yes" to life. As they open to more of life's posibilities, they begin to experience themselves freshly in each moment - and their true identity is gradually but endlessly revealed. To be able to renew the self constantly is the highest form of creativity, a kind of "soul making", which requires a higher state of integration than making a painting or a book or a dance. This is the state the other personality types can learn from healthy Fours, and the state to which Fours constantly aspire."