Marianne (resplendentposy) wrote,

  • Mood:
So.. thinking about real life again. I talked to my mom about modeling. I’ll have to look into that more. I heard on KBPI that Double Edge Films is looking for extras for a film they’re doing. That might be a possibility, and a way to get my name out there at least. I’ve been thinking about my habits, and my need to start trying to get up earlier, and to do more productive things than just mudding all night. My mom mentioned the ged. I guess that could be more of a possibility, though I’m not sure if I’ll need it. It may be good to have just in case though.

It makes me sad that I’ll have to make all these changes from my normal habits just to be able to fit in and be functional in society. Part of me says it’s worth the sacrifice for the benefits there will be down the road, and for the chance to live out my dreams. But another part of me just wants to crawl away and hide and not have to deal with any of this. I know which option I need to pick and what will be best for me in the end, but I don’t know if it feels right. I worry. And I have such apprehension. But this is good, right? This is a step in the right direction... But it feels so much safer here, and I’m afraid to get up and start down that road...

Crawling to my glass prison
A place where no one knows
My secret lonely world begins
So much safer here
A place where I can go
To forget about my daily sins
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